I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Randomize
