Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
