This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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