i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
