Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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