He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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