if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Randomize
