can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
