Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Randomize
