we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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