worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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