i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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