Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
