I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
