escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
