i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
