Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
