Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
