During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
did you just send me my own nude
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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