Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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