I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
