i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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