I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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