So drunk its hurt
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
