did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
