one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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