matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
