I accidentally burped into my bong.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
