Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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