My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize