I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
