It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Randomize
