you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
