Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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