I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize