I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
God I need to hump something, right now.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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