New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
