I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You've changed since you got that strap on
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
