dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
