He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
