i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
