hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
