didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
