Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
