It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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