Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
