I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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