i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
