He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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