So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
