Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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