Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
