Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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