That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize