I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
