Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
