dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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