Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize