she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
