speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
