I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
COCAINE IS GR8
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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