He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize