My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Randomize
