stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
