Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
