i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
