I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
