in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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