You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
