Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize