Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i came on her dog
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
he just fucked me for my cheese..
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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