I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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