Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
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