I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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