After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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