Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize