you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Randomize
