I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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