I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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