Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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