there's paper in my vomit.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
