Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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