I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
