did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Randomize