Swine flu. Run for my life!
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
do nipples grow back?
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