I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
