this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
