Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i already hear my dad disowning me
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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