Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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