haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
