I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
