i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
