I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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