If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
