so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
