I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
so much tequila, so little girl.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
