I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
