Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
