I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
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