They have a pepper shaker for pot.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
