Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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